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After a week marked by increasing calls for his resignation and a not so veiled threat from the Governor of Arizona, Golden Valley Mayor Tom Shanks saved his political hide in a speech delivered before City Council this morning.
Things looked bleak for the beleaguered mayor when he stepped up to the podium. Since his profanity-laced diatribe against the city of Golden Valley, Arizona, the mayor faced calls for his resignation from all sides of the political spectrum.
In the most controversial development, Shanks was allegedly challenged by the governor of Arizona to put “your body where your filthy mouth is.” When asked to reiterate his comments, Arizona Governor Ernie Novell, the one time supervillan known as the Purple Psycho, laughed and said he was misquoted. “Look, the Arizona media have been twisting my words ever since I won the election.”
Political analysts said the most damaging statement came from City Comptroller Bret Gouldie. A long time Shanks supporter, Gouldie told a TV audience that he feared Shanks had “fallen off the wagon hard and I don’t know if I can support a man in that kind of condition.”
Gouldie stood emotionless as Shanks faced the crowd. Sharp-eyed observers noted that the mayor carried some kind of official looking document. Word spread that it was a resignation letter.
Shanks smiled at various members, yet none smiled back. Undeterred, the mayor spoke. He began by offering an apology, claiming he was sincerely sorry for any harm his comments may have caused to listeners. He apologized for causing embarrassment to the city’s citizens.
Shanks went on to say that he had nothing but the utmost love and respect for the entire state of Arizona, “and I felt that way even before their Governor threatened me. Seriously, my third wife came from Arizona.”
The mayor paused. Reporters came closer, expecting to hear a resignation.
“I understand saying sorry isn’t enough. There is no explanation, there is no excuse for what all you good people saw that day. My behavior was completely without cause. Or was it?”
Shanks held out the letter and claimed it came from a prominent city physician. Copies of the letter were distributed to reporters after the speech. According to the letter, Mayor Shanks had been prescribed a new blood pressure medication the day before his fateful TV appearance. However, the physician erred and the Mayor was given an antidepressant which had an adverse side effect with the medication Shanks was taking for high cholesterol.
At this point, Councilman Richard Fliehr jumped out of his seat and yelled “The guy must have a horseshoe stuck up his ***!” As security rushed to calm the flailing Fliehr, Comptroller Gouldie rushed to the mayor’s side and raised Shank’s hand in triumph.
“Folks, we should’ve known better! Mayor Shanks is too fine a man to stumble like that!” proclaimed Gouldie. A beaming Shanks thanked the people for their support and said it saddened him that his long time physician now faced malpractice charges.
“I can only hope the Medical Board can show Dr. Weigels the same mercy the good people of Golden Valley have shown me.”
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